I have 100% mom brain. Before I had Carter I told myself that although being a mother is the greatest thing to ever do, I did not want to lose my self in it. But I am one step away from mom jeans and sequin cat soccer sweaters. My only conversations consist of size and consistency of poop, boob juice, and naps. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
I truly now know the meaning of not having enough hours in the day. I am so lucky to be able to stay home, but I am in complete amazement of how others have more than one child. I am surrounded by mountains of laundry, dirty dishes, messy bedrooms... I consider it an accomplishment to get showered by 2 p.m. But my kid is thriving. Or at least pretending, because he is pretty much an undercover ninja. I try to look at his face, and look at the kid... he is chubbing up like no one has chubbed, and he is the most mellow, happy kid I have ever met. I mean, look at this face! So does this mean I am doing something right??
His favorite thing to do lately, along with smiling and even a few giggles, is to give me the look of "Aw geez, mom, you're an embarrassment to humanity." Tru dat, yo.
So I have some venting/questioning/ranting for all of you mothers out there. I really feel like a failure! I thought this would be easier. I have a degree in human development and thought that would give me an edge up. Ha. That is funny.
I am having the hardest time with continued sleep deprivation. Carter has made it to where he will sleep 3-4 hours a time at night, but that's it. Other friends have babies this age and have them sleeping way more. Many have them on schedules.
Should he be on a schedule at six weeks? Should I just roll with his punches? Every day he treats my boobs as a snack bar and won't eat for longer than 10 minutes. I feel guilty because I don't know how much I should be playing with him, how long I should let him cry.... why isn't there a better instruction book out there?
I feel like I am doing things wrong because all day he won't take longer than 20 minute naps and wants to eat every hour and a half or so. Yeah. My boobs hurt. Just so you know, because I knew you wondered.
And will I EVER get more than 2 hours sleep?? Yeah, help.