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Friday, December 4, 2009

Aw, geez, mom.

I have 100% mom brain. Before I had Carter I told myself that although being a mother is the greatest thing to ever do, I did not want to lose my self in it. But I am one step away from mom jeans and sequin cat soccer sweaters. My only conversations consist of size and consistency of poop, boob juice, and naps. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

I truly now know the meaning of not having enough hours in the day. I am so lucky to be able to stay home, but I am in complete amazement of how others have more than one child. I am surrounded by mountains of laundry, dirty dishes, messy bedrooms... I consider it an accomplishment to get showered by 2 p.m. But my kid is thriving. Or at least pretending, because he is pretty much an undercover ninja. I try to look at his face, and look at the kid... he is chubbing up like no one has chubbed, and he is the most mellow, happy kid I have ever met. I mean, look at this face! So does this mean I am doing something right??

His favorite thing to do lately, along with smiling and even a few giggles, is to give me the look of "Aw geez, mom, you're an embarrassment to humanity." Tru dat, yo.

So I have some venting/questioning/ranting for all of you mothers out there. I really feel like a failure! I thought this would be easier. I have a degree in human development and thought that would give me an edge up. Ha. That is funny.
I am having the hardest time with continued sleep deprivation. Carter has made it to where he will sleep 3-4 hours a time at night, but that's it. Other friends have babies this age and have them sleeping way more. Many have them on schedules.
Should he be on a schedule at six weeks? Should I just roll with his punches? Every day he treats my boobs as a snack bar and won't eat for longer than 10 minutes. I feel guilty because I don't know how much I should be playing with him, how long I should let him cry.... why isn't there a better instruction book out there?
I feel like I am doing things wrong because all day he won't take longer than 20 minute naps and wants to eat every hour and a half or so. Yeah. My boobs hurt. Just so you know, because I knew you wondered.
And will I EVER get more than 2 hours sleep?? Yeah, help.

13 comments:

Kim said...

I won't tell you what to do with your kids, but with mine, a schedule has saved my life. I didn't have one with my oldest and we all paid for it. Once I figured out the beauty of a schedule everything seems to run a lot smoother. Even babies get it when they know they are going to lay down for a nap at the same time everyday. As far a the boob issues go... I can't help you there. I am a 100% all they way bottle advocate. So good luck with that one. When he cries for being hungry, let him go an extra 10 min every time and that may make him a hungrier so he will eat more when he does eat. Unfortunately in the end motherhood is all trial and error.

The Wettstein Family said...

Call me.

Alison said...

I go by a routine more than a set hourly schedule. especially a bed time routine. as far as letting him cry to it's as much as you can stand (then give him 5 min more) you can try giving a formula bottle right before bed. it stays in their tummies longer. it does sound like you need to lay down the law on when he can eat because girl you are getting played:) set a plan. it usually takes 3 days or so for them to get with the program. 2 months is when i make them sleep through the night. start with 6hrs then work up from there. good luck.

Cami Jo said...

Sounds like a full time job! You are so lucky to stay home with him =) I'm sure it will get easier with time...at least in different ways. Sorry you are in so much pain, I think I am going to do formula for that reason! I love that picture of him though, he is soooooo cute!

C.B. said...

Schedules are what saved me, but he may be too young still. For the first few months we just were random when she was about 4 months we just naturally slipped into a schedule.

I wish I could help you on the sleeping part. For the first 6 months with Tegan, I was pretty much a zombie, Patrick and I have never been so tired! Even now Tegan will wake up some nights. All I can say, is sleep when Carter sleeps. And just know, eventually it will get better...trust me. I thought it would never get better...but it did.

Kirsten said...

Keep up the good work! I think you express the sentiments of every mother everywhere. The thing that helps me most when I am feeling overwhelmed and sleep deprived is a simple prayer. Heavenly Father will inspire you to know what to do and bring peace when times get tough. That's the thing that helps me most as a mother. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Ari Anna Johnson said...

All I can say is I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO WHAT YOU WILL SAY NEXT!!!! Please come knock on our door!~!~ I would love to see you guys! I hope to call you guys later today or tomorrow! Loved the new mommy post! And don't worry, this comes from someone who on occasion is still wearing pjs and dinner time!!! YIKES!

Kristen M said...

What a cutie you have! You definitely have similar feelings to just about every mom out there. Those that don't are weird anyway... I totally wish there were an instruction manual. Each kid comes so different. I have mostly followed the advice in the Baby Wise book as far as eating/sleeping/waketime schedule goes. It has worked well for me & my babies. I know it's not for everyone though. One thing you find is that everyone has different ideas about what perfect parenting is... He's still so little, don't worry about your house, or not showering - and the sleep deprivation thing will get better. Either your body will get used to it, or Carter will let you get more sleep.

Josh and Terra Huff said...

AMEN to a schedule saving my life! Our little Benjamin thrived on a schedule (and still does) and was sleeping through the night by 3 months. It took some time, but he got it. My lactation specialist basically told me to feed him every 2 1/2 hours starting at 6:30 and ending at 11:30. She basically took the information from Baby Wise. I got that book and followed it - not religiously, but what felt best for us. As my pediatrician says "Follow your mommy heart strings." A schedule helps them and you. As for your boobs hurting...get that lansinoh goop stuff. It literally saved my life. I would cry because it hurt so bad to nurse, but I used that stuff and I am a total believer! Use it every time after you nurse..it won't hurt your baby. Good luck, let me know if you want to chat sometime!

Life's Great Adventures said...

Its not easy but things will get better. I would encourage just putting him down the same time every night, he may cry, but let him cry for a few minutes. Just keep doing this & he will then get it down and go to sleep when you just lay him down even if he isn't all the way asleep. The nap thing is more challenging at first, just try to do the same thing day after day at the same time as far as trying to get him to take a nap and then he will get on a schedule with that. The thing is as soon as you think you got the schedule thing figured out then they get sick or etc. and you have to start all over again:( It is hard to not be hard on yourself, but you are doing great!!

Mandy said...

It's different for everyone I think. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby- is the bible when it comes to good sleepers. It's a really great book if you're interested. He's pretty little to be on a real regular schedule but it will come. Good luck! :)

kurtandvickysleemanfam said...

i'm with ya on the "eats every hour" thing! it's truly up to you, but i started supplementing my big eatin' boy with formula just to help get him on a every 2 hr eating schedule. i gave in and slept with my daughter because i was so tired and just nursed laying down as we slept, but i don't recommend doing that. it really is trial and error. and what you feel is right as a mother. you know what is best for your individual situation, you just have to trust that instinct. and go with it. and YES! you are doing something right!! i had to convince myself of that every day with my first. it gets better, i promise! hes' still young. just take it one day at a time. don't stress yourself out trying to be "Super Mom" because to him, you already are!!

Allison said...

For your boobs: black tea. Don't drink it, just dip the bag in warm water and put it right on your nipple. (Make sure you use disposable nursing pads, because the tea will leave stains.) Replace the bags every hour or so. My nipples were sore, cracked, and bleeding, but that cleared it up in a day or two. Also, pump and let Jake give him a bottle every once in a while. It does get easier.