Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Screw on the lid... TIGHT!!

Pee. It's what's on my mind. Little piddley loves to rehearse his kickboxing right on my bladder which is soon to lead to public embarrassment.
More pee.
I had another doctor's check up today. Can I ever have a day without drama? Of course not, because I am mother to a ninja. I guess I am showing a few signs of early toxemia so they wanted to run a few more tests.
Test one: collect my own pee in a JUG and keep it in the fridge for 24 hours. Best thing ever, right?
What makes this worse is this is the THIRD time in my life I've had to do it. Seriously, what human being should have to submit to this torture more than once? A few years ago my right kidney stopped working fully and I had to do it. I endured the miserable 24 hour pee collection and turned it in, only to get a call the next day from the hospital that the lid wasn't screwed on tight enough, and they spilled it, and I had to re-do it for another 24 hours. (Gross. My pee was all over the floor of some lab without me putting it there. Wonder who cleaned it up.....)
This time, not even Chuck Norris would be able to pry the lid off when I screw it tight.

They call this beautiful contraption the 'hat.' I'm sick of hats in a whole NEW way now. I pee in it, with the expression shown above.
Then I get to take this pee from the above 'hat' and pour it into my awesome jug. My jug of pee. (Awesome sentence). And then it goes in my fridge.

After the pee test, I go to labor & delivery tomorrow to get blood drawn and the baby monitored for awhile. I am very positive that I am fine.... other than I might not be able to eat anything refridgerated every again.. and will be eating out for a few days.

Also, little awesome boy Heaton is transverse. Still laying completely sideways, torturing his mother in very special ways. That's why I look like I have TWO watermelons in my stomach. Ha!


Kassie said...

i'm sorry about the pee collection... never ever fun. Micah was sideways up until a week and a half before he was induced. I panicked... but he straightened out, so it all worked out eventually.

Ari Anna Johnson said...

You kill me the way you put things!!!!! But I always look forward to a blog update cuz I know weather serious or not you make me laugh!

The Wettstein Family said...

Don't let it tip over in your car and soak all the lab documents. The funny thing about that was, only the lab tech was disgusted that the documents were soaked. Even the receptionist, who put the papers in a plastic cover, didn't seem to care.
I dare you to do the gallon challenge with water and see how clear your pee gets! The lab tech will think you just brought in water! HA HA HA HA!! Gross.

Alison said...

Don't be sad when the 24hrs is over. You get to pee in the "hat" again after you have the baby too :) isn't this so fun! Pregnancy, also known as everything humiliating, uncomfortable, painful, gross... with the best reward in the end of course.

Emily said...

Sorry about all the torture. Once baby Chuck comes out it's amazing how quick you'll forget about all of this.

Laura said...

Oh man. So sorry, that sounds miserable! Happy pee collecting.

Catherine said...

I cannot believe you posted pictures of the hat and the jug! You are too funny!