Thursday, October 9, 2008

Smacking and crying

I am being a big old baby, I think. I have been so excited for this exciting move to Boise and all the needed changes it is bringing to our lives. Jake and I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was meant to be and we need to be here. But I can't help the feeling over the last couple of weeks that my life has been turned all flippity and I just am so.... homesick!! Honestly, I love the area up here, our new house, and our new jobs. It's just that I've hit this patch of... I don't know, weirdness.
It is pathetic that this is the first big move for me. After high school I moved all the way from Tremonton to Logan. One big old fat half-hour.
I was lucky to be able to experience many things, to travel all over the country and the world, but I never stayed for longer than 6 weeks. Now here I am, in the middle of Idaho (not the scariest place), and I am SKEERED (that's white trash talk for scared). Jake's sister is up here and we are very blessed to have her, because without her I think we would be utterly lost. We have only been up here to go to our new ward once, and it is so huge, I think three people noticed we were new. Our neighborhood is all new construction and so there aren't many people we have met. Work is awesome, and I have so many people who are so nice here, but we still feel so...alone? Bwah.
Here are a few things I miss. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss my old job. Not really the job, but a lot of the familiarity and the people. I really miss my friend Jamy because she was my sanity. This picture explains it - here she is eating a magic pickle.
We still keep in touch but it's not the same!! I miss going on treat runs every day, and to making fun of everyone we see, and to being able to vent. I totally miss having my own office. At my new job in the Court up here, we're in the transition of moving to another building so they set me up front by the receptionist. She is fabulous and funny, but all I hear all day is her smacking her gum. I think I'm going crazy. I was spoiled to be able to shut the door and only listen to MYSELF smacking, to being able to smell only myself, and to doing the macarena if I so wished.
Here are Mandy, Jamy, and I at a conference in St. George. Miss those too.

I miss my fam-damily. Even the Becca thing. I miss not being able to pick up and drive home when a sister is having an emergency or being able to meet my mom in Logan. Bwah.
I miss my old neighborhood terribly. We were so blessed to have such an amazing ward with so many friends and neighbors. I miss my young women. They are so cute and keep me updated through emails about everything. Here is Nichelle on her FIRST DATE!!
I missed it and I wasn't able to be there to embarrass her and try to make her date go running!!

I'm sure I will start to feel comfortable up here with time, but it's hard getting there. I've hit this identity crisis thing where nothing is familiar to me, especially not myself. I dont' know if I am making sense, and probably it's more of this in-coherent rambling that you all shake your head sympathetically and say 'Dumb, crazy old cat lady Ev' under your breath at me, but I am just having a.... weird time. I just want to know... has anyone been here? What can I do to feel better? My coping mechanisms include a robe, avocados, vaseline, and sticky notes.... so they're not very great. I'm looking for any help I can get! Bwah!!!


Jackie said...

Ev, I have totally been there! I had a really hard time when we moved to Elko. It's so hard to feel normal again & to feel like you belong. And it's always hard to make new friends & relationships & start from scratch when you know that you have strong relationships somewhere else. will get better. Not right away, but with time. I think the thing that helped me the most was going out of my comfort zone...especially in the ward. I had to make myself sit by people I didn't know & strike up a conversation with them. If I hadn't done that, I don't think I would have ever been approached. Maybe try inviting someone over to your house for dinner or games or something. And make sure you decorate your house soon so it feels like your home. And just pray, that is the best thing you can do. It may even take 6 months to a year for you to feel comfortable there, but it will happen. Good luck!

Becca Lund said...

EVEN THE BECCA THING? Pssssh, please, we all know you miss me the most.
If you wouldn't have had friends in the first place, moving wouldn't have been so hard (and I know from experience!!!)

And also, don't invite new people over to play killer bunnies with you because that may only alienate you more.

Evy we miss you so much! But things will get better up there, we know it.

Camille said...

I'm glad you had the guts to post this! I think this is something everyone goes through in a move. I was so there when we moved from Arizona to Utah. All my friends were older, my job sucked so bad which actually helped me find the best friends which is one huge blessing of crappiness at work, and our ward was amazing! When we got to Utah our ward was cliquey, most the girls were a lot younger than me, and most people at work liked their job enough to not be as social. I think I had to pray really hard for a close friend. I found one by getting over the younger thing, and we invited a different couple to dinner every week (yes we got rejected by some, but met some great ones!), and we actually convinced some friends to move into our area. I made more effort at work, and honestly, I got a lot closer to my husband. I think being farther from family helped us rely on each other more and more, and grow closer. It took me about a year. I have heard my parents say that it took them a year being super social to feel like they belonged in their new ward. I'm sorry you're lonely, I feel your pain, it is really hard. But, we also had a RS lesson on self reliance and there was a quote by David O. McKay that said we are responsible for fulfilling our own social needs. I thought "WOW!" and realized I would have to kick my own butt to make friends. You are the coolest girl ever and you will have friends who love you so much!

The Wettstein Family said...

Ditto to what everyone else said. Moving sucks. Come back here and play with me. You will never be lonely again.

Mary said...

Believe it or not, I have TOTALLY been there. I went to school in freaking Wyoming. I mean - talk about the middle of nowhere! Something that happened there was that Kevin and I got a lot closer. I know we're not married or anything, but it helped strengthen our relationship because we depended on each other. We felt like the other was all we had. It feels that way for a while, but it won't always. Something that will help is to really throw yourself into your work, your calling (if you have one) and create a new social life. You are a creative, funny, beautiful, interesting, and loving person, and you'll make friends easily if you can get up the guts to go out and find them. That's the hardest part. And remember that God doesn't want you to be unhappy. Pray for help and guidance, and look for something to do for someone else. It will help you make a friend while taking your mind off your loneliness. People are rarely unhappy when they are doing something for someone else. And finally, remember that you always have people who love you, and they're only a phone call away. It's ok to call a friend, sister, mom, whoever, crying and admitting that you're lonely. But then you have to get up and do something about it. Love you, and I hope things get better for you!

Miss Heather said...

I completely and totally know how you feel! I've moved so many times in my life to so many states, cities, places... it's hard hard HARD to start over. When I moved to Salt Lake from Logan I had no job, no place to live and no friends down here. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But now I wouldn't leave for anything. It will end up being that way for you. It just takes time. And at least you have cute Jake to keep you company.

And I love you... so don't you forget it!

Janelle Johnson said...

I would stick with the coping mechanisms you have already established. Haha. :) Hope things work out soon for you and things start feeling more "homey"!

Catherine said...

I felt that way when I first moved back to Maryland, at least you have Jake, I wasn't even married yet. But I feel for you, it'll get better!

pixiepoo said...

You are at this awkward stage in life where everything has changed and you are now wondering what you got yourself into. I felt that way moving from Idaho Falls to Logan. Things do get better though and you will soon find lots of things about Boise that you love. Just give it time . Until then call your mom and tell her you are homesick. Maybe if you hint enough she'll send you a care package.

JO said...

Ev, I know how you feel! Moving to Canada was quite the shocker. I had my good days but I can honestly say that some days I had complete meltdowns. My poor husband probably wanted to toss me out the window. I promise it gets better!

JO said...

Do me a favor? Check out my blog, post about it, and add me to your link list.I'm trying to spread the word! Thanks