Happy One Month!

Happy One MONTH Birthday, Carter!!!

I guess I don't mean to brag, (OK, I really do), but my son is already a superhero by the age of 4 weeks. Here are some of the many, many reasons.

*His most amazing cuteness, handsomeness, and overall good-lookingness is enough to melt anybody in their tracks; especially grandmas.

*He sleeps with one eye half open. He knows when the enemy is coming.

*He speaks one billion languages, and especially those of zoo animals. When he falls asleep, he lets out little squeaks like a dolphin. In the middle of his sleep, he grunts and groans like a little goat. When he is ready to eat, he is an all out snorting pig. Very cute.

*He can lift his head and chest all the way up while on his tummy. Flying comes next.

*When he is awake, he just sits quietly and entertains himself for hours. He is secretly contemplating the plan on saving the world.

*He has the world's largest superhero tummy and could fit a station wagon inside. This kid packs it away like I've never seen. And he very politely burps when done. He even has Manners.

*He has killer gas. Whew.

*Even though he is so manly and tough, he loves nothing more than to curl into a little ball and snuggle on his mommy's chest. He's such a little cuddler. Of super proportions, of course.

*He has already giggled once. One might argue it was a sort of gas/hiccup/grunt, but it was an all out giggle, with dimples and everything. He has a very silly mommy, and he knows it.

*His mommy doesn't know what she's doing, but he continues to thrive and survive. If that's not a superhero, I don't know what is.

Carter, we love you more than we can ever say. Never has something brought us such joy and we thank God each day for the beautiful, perfect little miracle that you are. Happy One Month.

Even Ninjas need to rest....

I can't believe it has been 19 days. 19 days since my life flip-turned-upside-down (said like the Fresh Prince, yo). Look at my little guy! He is so tough and ninja that as you can see above, he even knocks himself around to prove how manly he is!

We have good days and bad days, but the worst thing is still sleep deprivation. It does wonders for a person who is as naturally crazy as me. Add that to painkillers... it's a daily circus. I have daily, even hourly breakdowns.... being a mother IS the hardest thing in the world. I am neurotic and anxious and scared....this is really, really, really hard.

I just have to say that the difficult pregnancy and labor gave me the biggest blessing ever, and Carter is a wonderful, happy, and pretty much easy baby. He hardly ever cries. He just snorts when he is hungry (which is ALL THE STINKING TIME). He tends to get a little pissed off when he is naked, because that is so un-awesome, but other than that, he is just curious, precious, and a hungry little pig. And I love him. As soon as he fixes the whole day/night mix up (he gets up every stinking hour at night!), we'll be good...

He keeps giving Jake and I looks (see above) like "Who the heck are you? I thought I was in Brangelina's line in heaven....." He also tends to squeak like a high-pitched dolphin, which some people might not perceive as manly, but I think it is a ninja warning call.
Yes, Cap'n CARRRRRRRRRRTER is still Captain Awesome.

Lovin my Burrito Boy!!

My goodness gracious, Carter is already a week old. All those old people are right - it flies by way, way too fast.

So I thought I would share the story of his highness, the ultimate ninja, and his arrival.

Above is a picture of me from approximately 10 days ago. Yeah, I know. Illegally too large in 7 countries.

So a few days later I woke up not feeling the best. Monday night we had a friend over and we were watching Frankenstein. Well, I don't like monsters (they really smell). I guess Carter doesn't either because he chose in the middle of the movie to have my water break, out of the blue.

Jake didn't believe me and thought I'd peed my pants in scaredy-ness.

So a little over an hour later, at 8:30 p.m. we arrived at the hospital.

Wasn't dialating, at all, but almost fully effaced. They decided to start me on pitosin to speed up the contractions. Epidural? Heck, YES. Was great, for about 3 hours.

The contractions then started to cause Carter some distress. Never, ever have been so scared as when his heart rate dropped off the monitor and 5 nurses/doctors came running and kept mentioning a c-section. Got it figured out.

But then something bizarro-happened and the epidural wore completely off. I was not numb at all. The anesthesiologist said it was some kind of nerve blockage. (I think it was a conspiracy by a group of vampires but that's another story).

So I was dying in pain and kept yelling at everybody, calling them Satan. Finally at 5 a.m. I was ready to push.

Got to push for a freaking 3 hours because I had to rest in between contractions because of Carter's distress. I felt every bit of it. Let's just say that every woman that has given birth deserves a Purple Heart and one billion dollars, seriously.

When the doctor finally came in, I was ready. One horrible cut and three pushes later, he was out...8:30 a.m. I screamed like no one else has screamed, worse than a fat lady with her donuts forever taken away, but never have been so amazed at what I saw. Even being goopy, he was CUTE. I've had the fear all along that our poor baby would be a mixture of Chuck Norris' grandma and Donk, but he was beautiful.

He has been such a little miracle, angel of a baby. I know everybody says that, but I'd like to take a minute to join in the sappiness because it's totally true. I can't get over the miracle that he is, perfectly formed, down to his teeny little fingernails, here and healthy and beautiful.

He is all Jake. He has Jake's beautiful lips and little dimple in the chin, Jake's beautiful big blue eyes, Jake's huge noggin. He does have my fat cheeks and his mouth is so incredibly large it could almost fit a small puppy in there.

Recovery seems to be slow-going, and I am not one of those perfect women that is out running, wearing the skinny jeans, looking perfect, doing her own dishes.

But I am one of those women who is revelling in smelling her beautiful miracle boy, watching his funny facial expressions, listening to his squeak-squeakersons, and wrapping him up so he is my little burrito of a boy. Labor totally, totally sucks, and so does the aftermath (can I just say, POO?), but the end result already makes me forget it.

I am in love.

*Note* I have never fallen more in love with Jake than watching him be a daddy. He is INCREDIBLE. *

Sha-zam!!! He's HERE!

So in case you didn't hear my screaming across state lines, he's here!

Carter Oren Heaton was born on Tuesday, October 20 at 8:29 a.m.

7 lbs, 13 0unces and 20 inches full of awesome good-looking-ness.

He is perfect and doing wonderful.

His mommy is so tired she can't tell the difference between a boob and a spatula, so more to come later with all the beautiful details and pics.

Seriously, though, isn't he amazing??!!!!

Get OUT!!

So I don't get it. I fought going into early labor and contractions for two months straight. Now that I want baby awesome to BE here, he sticks his fanny all up in my ribs and is refusing to come out. No contractions - NOTHING.

I'm not due until next week but I already know he is at least 15 pounds and might have a full beard. I am ready. He needs to decide to be ready. Seriously.

The doctor had encouraging news - I am 80% effaced but still only dialated at about a 2. (Better than zero, right?) He stripped my membranes yesterday (AAARRRRRRRRRR) and I thought last night would be the night. But no. Ninja Norris has set up camp.

So I will post pictures of my half completed nursery. We are a bunch of rebel-rousers and wanted any excuse to use skulls instead of teddy bears so we went after pirates. None of the bedding or finishing touches are done yet, but this is what we have so far:

Our crib is awesome. Jake's mom got it for us and it makes me tear with joy looking at it!!
Aren't we good parents to have our baby ninja looking up into the face of a skull each morning?
I also continue to feel very blessed. I know I want him out but I am truly grateful he stayed in long enough to be healthy. I just want to give birth to a baby and not a MAN. We have been blessed as well by having such kick-a awesome friends and family. We had several amazing, generous showers and I don't know where we'd be without the help. Here I made Jake come in and open a box of ding dongs (best present EVER).
I am running, squatting, eating pineapple, and shining a flashlight up my basement (head towards the light, dude). I say it's time. Here's to hoping next post will have me all puffy faced and blurry eyed in love with my new little dude. I just want to meet him!!

Two words: Battleship Hips

It's 6 a.m. and what am I doing? Eating fruit snacks and staring hopelessly at a computer screen while I would MUCH rather be staring at the back of my eyelids. Sigh. I don't think I'll ever be friends with my old friend sleep again. It's making me go even MORE loony, if that's possible.

This last week has been one of the biggest roller-coasters of my entire life. It had the best of the best and the worst of the worstest in the world.

I choose to focus on the best.

Best - I AM OFF BED-REST. I made it!!! (I just did a bum jiggle, although that doesn't take much these days). I hit 36 weeks last week and the doctor said I could 'ease on up' out of bed rest. So I've been kicking my recliner repeatedly, like Chuck taught me, and trying to make up for two months lost time. It's just that no one told me how painful it is to waddle for more than five minutes. Or how my hips would make their own zip code, aching after being up all day. It hurts to be awake most days and I finally understand what women mean when they say they are 'done' being pregnant.

Yeah, he's cooked much longer than expected and I would be OK if he popped any minute. Only 3 weeks left.... 3 weeks.... I can make it, right???

BEST - I have been blessed with the best, most loving and generous family and friends in the world. They've given me several showers and I have a room full of love and generosity and cute cuddly boy things (including lots of hats.... rock on). The nursery is still pink - hopefully that will get conquered this week - and hopefully soon I can post pictures of the most awesome rockin pirate booty nursery in the WORLD. I am overwhelmed at the love and support of everyone around us. I don't know what I did to get so lucky. Or it could be pity for my over-sized baby mama hips. Either way.

BEST - Jake is still married to me, even after daily doses of me attacking him, and then crying on him, and then licking him, and then yelling, and even after he looks at my belly button. I don't know how he does it but he has special powers.

Yeah. SO - I was wondering, any tips on making baby ninjas dropkick their way out any faster? It's just my luck that he was so anxious to come before, now everything has shut off and he decided he is much more comfortable chillin in my belly, learning la cucaracha. Hot sauce??

Screw on the lid... TIGHT!!

Pee. It's what's on my mind. Little piddley loves to rehearse his kickboxing right on my bladder which is soon to lead to public embarrassment.

More pee.

I had another doctor's check up today. Can I ever have a day without drama? Of course not, because I am mother to a ninja. I guess I am showing a few signs of early toxemia so they wanted to run a few more tests.

Test one: collect my own pee in a JUG and keep it in the fridge for 24 hours. Best thing ever, right?

What makes this worse is this is the THIRD time in my life I've had to do it. Seriously, what human being should have to submit to this torture more than once? A few years ago my right kidney stopped working fully and I had to do it. I endured the miserable 24 hour pee collection and turned it in, only to get a call the next day from the hospital that the lid wasn't screwed on tight enough, and they spilled it, and I had to re-do it for another 24 hours. (Gross. My pee was all over the floor of some lab without me putting it there. Wonder who cleaned it up.....)

This time, not even Chuck Norris would be able to pry the lid off when I screw it tight.

They call this beautiful contraption the 'hat.' I'm sick of hats in a whole NEW way now. I pee in it, with the expression shown above.

Then I get to take this pee from the above 'hat' and pour it into my awesome jug. My jug of pee. (Awesome sentence). And then it goes in my fridge.

After the pee test, I go to labor & delivery tomorrow to get blood drawn and the baby monitored for awhile. I am very positive that I am fine.... other than I might not be able to eat anything refridgerated every again.. and will be eating out for a few days.

Also, little awesome boy Heaton is transverse. Still laying completely sideways, torturing his mother in very special ways. That's why I look like I have TWO watermelons in my stomach. Ha!