Things that make me go.... ewww. *twitch*

Have you ever just looked at some things and wondered WHY somebody ever thought of those things? Like doilies. What is the purpose? They scare me. They remind me of funeral homes. Why does anybody need a doily? If you want to set something on a glass table, use a coaster. And those finger-less gloves. Isn't the purpose of the gloves to keep your fingers warm?

I found some things that evoked that same reaction. We found this fish, full of balls, in our hotel room. Why? WHY would you want this fish full of balls? I understand you want to keep all your shiny balls together, but why in a fish?

And the best of all things creepy, I found this creepy grandma fairy. She was in a Christmas store, staring at me with her evil eyes behind those evil spectacles. I think she might represent Satan, really. Why would ANYONE ever need a creepy grandma fairy.... with a fan? If she's so HOT, then maybe she should take that thing off her neck.

I know I'm not always the brightest person, but I don't get it.

November - smooching, babies, jig

I LOVE the fall. I love sweaters, falling leaves, jackets, hot chocolate, fireplaces, turkey, spandex, pudding, and squishy things. (These are all fall things, of course). This fall has FLOWN by, and November especially was FABULOUS.

I was reminded of so many things to be grateful for this month. I am BLESSED in so many things and need to remind myself of this more often.

I am blessed in love. I am married to the most wonderful, dimpled, drooly, stinky, handsome, quirky, intelligent man for me that has ever existed. I don't know how I suckered him into picking me (I think it involved a baseball bat and Valium), but I am so lucky. I was reminded of all these TENDER PRECIOUS feelings when one of my best friends in this world, Kisty, was married to the love of her life this month. We had the privilege of being present in the Salt Lake Temple to witness their wonderful sealing. They were so happy and so perfect for each other, and it's good to be reminded of these things once in awhile. I got to catch up with a few friends I haven't seen in awhile, like Carrie, Kristen, and Emily. LOVE!!

Kristen & I waited outside of the temple after the wedding in the freezing cold so that we could embarrass Kisty with some inappropriate question about the wedding night right when she came out. What are friends for?

I am also so blessed with my friends. I'm so grateful to all of you for putting up with my fat cheeks and farting noises and rampages about teenagers. Here below you see beautiful Kristen, Kisty, and retard. (I was half involved in an Irish jig).

Get a room!!!The very next day, my good friend from high school Angela is so wonderful and put together a baby shower for our friend Afton. It was a lot of fun! I got to see a few other friends I hadn't seen since that time too and it's always fun to catch up.
Afton is having a little girl and I can't think of anyone else that would make a greater mother. She mothered me all through high school when it was much needed! She always helped me get back in line and wiped my snotty nose!
Jake's sister Chantel is also having a baby boy in January and we threw a shower for her. It was also full of good things like food, poo talk, and belly rubbing. I am very grateful to see so many people I love being blessed with their own little families. My time will come, I know!!

I'm seriously so blessed (snicker, snicker..... foul noise).. No, really, I am!! Even with bad, sad, lonely, angry, and smelly days, I am making the effort to whine a little less and appreciate more!

Don't tell me my biz-ness, debil woman!

I often lament about my aging. I can’t help it – I am an ornery old cat lady and was always MEANT to be one. I am recently encountering the worst thing about aging yet – the curse of devil sugar.
I have always, ALWAYS been such a sweet tooth. I always prided myself as well when I was younger of eating more than ten men and seven gorillas. Then this whole aging thing hits, where instead of all those extra calories magically disappearing, they somehow get stuck in lumps on your body. What’s the deal, seriously?
My curse seems to be of the cheeks. I don’t gain weight anywhere as much as my CHEEKS. (Well, the bum ones AND the head ones). To this, I say …. No. I figure I better stop the cheek gaining before it turns into my body looking like a lump of cottage cheese inside a garbage bag. I have been exercising regularly (including jazzercising) and TRY to eat so well. I JUST CANNOT WITHSTAND THE EVIL TEMPTATIONS!! How do you stay strong when everyone around you all day is eating mountains of fabulous sugar? How can I get my head, with the fat cheeks and all, to say no to my very conniving tummy? And WHY is it that some people, my hot husband included, can EAT this satan-derived goodness and STILL not look so … cheeky??

Rodent be gone

OK, I'm insane, and I know it. Things are getting better here after this whole life-change thing, but it doesn't make me any less crazy. We are starting to meet some awesome new people, work is getting really interesting as they are training me to start diagnostical drug/alcohol assessments on kids, and we're facing the ever-important life changing decisions: grad school, babies, babies, babies, fat rolls, and puppies.
I just think I am going through my first mid-life crisis. I can't really get a tattoo, I don't need hair implants, and I already have enough metal in me and don't need piercings. I had other crazy ideas, like starting a cat breeding business in the wilderness, but I don't like cats and dirt makes me cough. So I gave in and took the majority vote on what to do when you're in a funk: I chopped my hair.

Ev: 'I look like a wet rat with this hair. Fix it.'
Hair lady: 'I'm afraid of rats.'
I haven't really been this dark before, but I LIKE IT!! I'm so sassy I think I can pass gas in public and get away with it!

Does it still look like a chipmunk died on my head? Part of going through mid-life crises is reinforcement!

Hey Satan

It's Election Day. I have pretty strong political views.... and I could create a very patriotic, intelligent post concerning the aforementioned views. It seems all everyone around me is consumed with. So today I just want to post about Satan.

Ev: "Hey Satan."

Jake: "I have awesome horns."

Last weekend we had the chance to carpool with Jake's sis down to Utah to see the family. We forgot to bring Halloween costumes for the annual party, so we decided to just be evil. See above.

Jake also thought he would be a double-dresser-upper and he decided to be a rapstar with my daddy. Here we have 'The Real Slim Jakey' and 'Papa Smurf......Masta P". Wiki Wiki. Dad's sunglasses are girl's glasses, by the way. I think we ruined him.....

We split the time in between Jake's family and my family. I also decided to add to my self-depracating sense of humor and post yet another embarrassing thing.... this picture. This has got to be the most attractive one I have ever taken. I am imagining Jake thinking...."I'm so lucky to have married a woman who looks like a transvestite that has awesome fish lips".

That night we had the annual Baird Halloween party. It was a bittersweet time. It was the first year since our dear Candace has passed and she always loved this party especially. We still had fun. I mean, how can you not smile a little when Richard Simmons is in your midst?

I'm also very proud of this last picture. This is the first girls picture where my butt is NOT sticking out in front of everybody. Yeah for going all conservative, Ev!!

I wish everybody a Happy Election Day. Try to watch out for Satan!

You're not Cool unless you Drool

I have discovered an awesome, AMAZING new talent. One that will leave you shaking in your seat out of jealousy. (Please, try to control yourselves). I've always known I'm a drooler. I awaken each morning to the pleasant sensation of moisture on my pillow. I will fall asleep cuddling with my boy, and wake up to drool all up his chest. It's a pretty attractive thing.

At my new job, I have a lot more down-time in between clients and projects. It's something I'm not really used to. Add on top of that that most nights I don't sleep more than 4 hours.... I get a little drowsy and woozy. I was sitting here at work today, staring at the computer, and I found myself drooling. Drooling, completely awake and sitting up, so bad that it hit the desk. I always knew it took talent to drool in your sleep, but doing so AWAKE, and SITTING UP, now THAT is pretty amazing!!!

Smacking and crying

I am being a big old baby, I think. I have been so excited for this exciting move to Boise and all the needed changes it is bringing to our lives. Jake and I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was meant to be and we need to be here. But I can't help the feeling over the last couple of weeks that my life has been turned all flippity and I just am so.... homesick!! Honestly, I love the area up here, our new house, and our new jobs. It's just that I've hit this patch of... I don't know, weirdness.
It is pathetic that this is the first big move for me. After high school I moved all the way from Tremonton to Logan. One big old fat half-hour.
I was lucky to be able to experience many things, to travel all over the country and the world, but I never stayed for longer than 6 weeks. Now here I am, in the middle of Idaho (not the scariest place), and I am SKEERED (that's white trash talk for scared). Jake's sister is up here and we are very blessed to have her, because without her I think we would be utterly lost. We have only been up here to go to our new ward once, and it is so huge, I think three people noticed we were new. Our neighborhood is all new construction and so there aren't many people we have met. Work is awesome, and I have so many people who are so nice here, but we still feel so...alone? Bwah.
Here are a few things I miss. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss my old job. Not really the job, but a lot of the familiarity and the people. I really miss my friend Jamy because she was my sanity. This picture explains it - here she is eating a magic pickle.
We still keep in touch but it's not the same!! I miss going on treat runs every day, and to making fun of everyone we see, and to being able to vent. I totally miss having my own office. At my new job in the Court up here, we're in the transition of moving to another building so they set me up front by the receptionist. She is fabulous and funny, but all I hear all day is her smacking her gum. I think I'm going crazy. I was spoiled to be able to shut the door and only listen to MYSELF smacking, to being able to smell only myself, and to doing the macarena if I so wished.
Here are Mandy, Jamy, and I at a conference in St. George. Miss those too.

I miss my fam-damily. Even the Becca thing. I miss not being able to pick up and drive home when a sister is having an emergency or being able to meet my mom in Logan. Bwah.
I miss my old neighborhood terribly. We were so blessed to have such an amazing ward with so many friends and neighbors. I miss my young women. They are so cute and keep me updated through emails about everything. Here is Nichelle on her FIRST DATE!!
I missed it and I wasn't able to be there to embarrass her and try to make her date go running!!

I'm sure I will start to feel comfortable up here with time, but it's hard getting there. I've hit this identity crisis thing where nothing is familiar to me, especially not myself. I dont' know if I am making sense, and probably it's more of this in-coherent rambling that you all shake your head sympathetically and say 'Dumb, crazy old cat lady Ev' under your breath at me, but I am just having a.... weird time. I just want to know... has anyone been here? What can I do to feel better? My coping mechanisms include a robe, avocados, vaseline, and sticky notes.... so they're not very great. I'm looking for any help I can get! Bwah!!!