Sunday, August 22, 2010

Individually wrapped cheese

So my BFF Oprah convinced me not to quit blogging, along with all you sweet friends who made comments. She really likes my stories about poop. Oh, that Oprah.

It's 11:15 on a Sunday night and I can't sleep. I have to admit, I'm a little 'high' and I should be chaperoned. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I do NOT have a high tolerance for pain killers. And not the illegal kind, even. A couple Tylenol and Ibuprofen are good enough to have me table dancing. We don't even want to talk about my days in the hospital with morphene or the days of the prescription Oxy where I mooned half the neighborhood.
So I have another migraine and popped a few Tylenol and now everything is looking like rainbows and sparkles.
And did you KNOW that they sell individually wrapped packages of cheddar cheese, like little gifts from angels? THEY ARE THE BEST THING EVER!!!! I've eaten four!!!

Last time this pain-killer legal high happened was a few weeks ago. I was on my way to choir with Jack-Jack and Ash and I let them know about the days when I wore pudding balloons.

So I will tell the world now of my secret. We just had our 10 year reunion (oh my freaking gosh!!) which has got me all sorts of reminiscing. 10 years ago I was still pretty insane but my parents didn't let me out of my cage much so not many people knew. Plus I cared about what everybody thought. Always. Now.... whether it's the drugs or the head injury or schizophrenia, I don't. I don't even have a filter and it gets me in trouble.
What was I talking about?
Oh yeah. Pudding balloons. I was taught by an older and much wiser friend that pudding is as good as silicone. So I learned to fill balloons with pudding (vanilla is the best, least smelly option) and flatten them out and add them to my brasiere. And I did it. ALL THE TIME.
They exploded a few times, but they made for a tasty snack in the midst of embarrassment.

And also, I wore two bras on my wedding day.

Crap, my blog isn't private yet. But those are my stories and I couldn't sleep until I shared them. Oh, seriously, this cheese is the best thing EVER.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

To quit....and Duck Fuzz

Yeah, so I have been seriously contemplating quitting blogging. But first, I just have to show you one of my favorite things: Carter's freaking cute duck fuzz of a head. Lookit!!!

I love this kid!!
ANYWAYS...... the quitting thing.... Yeah. I don't know. I love to stalk..... I mean, to look at other people's blogs. I am amazed at my friends. You have so many talents and abilities and funny stories and are all so near to perfect I shake just thinking about it. Me? I talk about poop. And homeless people. I am SO not a wonder mother that can post about the amazing projects of my day. My life is crazy busy and full of shenninagans, but not blog-worthy ones. Honestly, I do have a confession - I have never made a casserole in my ENTIRE life. EVER. (Also never watched Star Wars so I STILL think I'm cool). I wonder if my random rants and ravings are worth the time, or if I should just stalk in peace.
Besides, why do all these Chinese people want to leave weird Chinese comments? Do you think they're death threats.... or recipes??!! Go private??

Sigh. These are my thoughts. Maybe the real reason for maybe quitting is that I can't find my computer pluggy thing for my camera and I'm too lazy to get pictures other ways. Geez.