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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Secretly, I totally wish a vampire would bite me. For real. Jake always tells me that he has never seen a day where I don’t trip or spill on myself. I am like Bella, times one million. I have been waiting for the day when a vampire will bite me for the sheer fact that THEN I would be somewhat graceful.

So I have been feeling gross lately. Usually it’s all I can do to drag myself out of bed, throw a ponytail in, and do a double-take smell on my socks to make sure they’re clean. I decided this morning that I would have a very classy day. I got up on time, SHAVED (not my back, but my legs), froo-frood my hair, put on a cute skirt, and wore my heeled hooker boots. I finally was able to look in the mirror and not break out into sheer terror. Yes, I was feeling quite classy.
I felt super classy in my shiny black car on my way to work. I wasn’t even late today! I also felt very classy when I got out of the car, grabbed my matching bag, my water bottle, and my banana. Only really classy people eat bananas, and since I was classy today, it was a necessity.
So I walk into the office and see a family waiting for me up front. As I’m walking to greet them, I think an invisible midget grabbed my heels, because all of the sudden the earth gave away underneath me. I just in-explicably went FLYING. Seriously, FLYING, not tripping. I flew backwards. I think I covered a ten foot distance. To make this scene even more awesome, I dropped my banana, and landed in it. Mooshed banana on a classy skirt is not so pleasant.
I’m not so classy anymore. I would give anything to go back home, get out of my banana skirt, and put on my pink sweat pants.

11 comments:

Kathy said...

Oh Ev, you are a crack up. I hope you didn't hurt yourself!!

Jackie said...

I'm still laughing. You are so stinkin' funny!

Kim said...

That is hilarious! I can not tell you how many times I have done something like that. Not necessarily the banana but I have fallen more times than I can count.

Emily said...

lol- Evy Jean you crack me up! It happens to all of us I promise.

Alison said...

That is really sad, yet really funny. I think my daughter abby has the same problem. I think she falls about 50 times a day. I wonder sometimes if she has a neurological disorder or something :)

Catherine said...

Oh Ev! Your poor thing, that's kinda everyone's worst nightmare huh?

C.B. said...

Hee hee, I'm sorry you smashed banana on your classy skirt, but look at the awesome blog post you got out of it!

JO said...

you are too funny. I'm trying to visualize the scene in my mind!

kate said...

I didn't laugh Ev. I'm sorry, I felt really bad you had the potential to have such a good day then everything gets all smashed up {literally}

Everyone has bad days, but gees girl!! I hope you exaggerated in there somewhere just a little! If not I just hope no one saw your undies.

Good luck tomorrow, If at first you don't succeed try, try again.

The Wettstein Family said...

I guess we can't be old biddies together. We'd be falling on top of each other and we'd die there on the floor ravaged by wild dogs.

Laura said...

Oh, you funny funny girl! That is so totally something that would happen to me. I fell down those little stairs on either side of the stage in the high school auditorium before an assembly once. Yup. My leg even bled. I was wearing a rather shortish skirt too...we'll just leave it at that! I definitely feel your pain.